Best Before or After?
- Vonayi Nyamazana
- Jul 27
- 3 min read
We’re often told that we’re at our "best" before menopause — when we’re young, energetic, and culturally celebrated. But is that really true?
After menopause, many women discover a bold, unfiltered power they never knew they had. Instead of shrinking, they grow: in wisdom, in confidence, in authenticity.
I used to think I had lost my best self when menopause arrived. But I found someone better — someone more real, more fearless, and more whole.
When we talk about menopause, we often hear whispers of decline: “Oh, you’re not the same anymore,” “You’re past your prime,” “Your best years are behind you.”
But what if we turned that story on its head? What if menopause isn’t the end of your best — but the true beginning of it?
For many women, the years before menopause are marked by juggling multiple roles: raising children, building careers, supporting partners, aging parents — the list is endless. We are often praised for how much we do, not necessarily for who we are.
On the surface, those years look like the “prime of life.” We are physically strong, culturally considered "attractive," and our energy feels boundless (at least on good days). Society has conditioned us to believe that this is when we are at our peak — the best version of ourselves.
But, after menopause, something remarkable happens. When the hormonal fog lifts and the cycles end, many women describe a sudden clarity, a new confidence, a powerful sense of self they never had before. The constant emotional roller coasters, the people-pleasing, and the self-doubt begin to fade. We become more grounded, more authentic, and shockingly, more ourselves than ever before.
Of course, not everyone feels this way. Some women mourn the physical losses — the changes in their bodies, the decrease in libido, the challenges with sleep, and the thinning hair. There is a valid argument that the hormonal vibrancy of pre-menopause years gives us a certain zest, a magnetic energy that can’t be fully replicated.
Those who hold this view argue that we are "biologically designed" to be at our best in our reproductive years, when our bodies are primed to nurture and create. This perspective is deeply rooted in cultural and social narratives, and it deserves respect.
However, is "best" really only about physical fertility? Or is it about fullness, wisdom, wholeness?
I used to believe my best years were behind me. That I had "peaked" before menopause. I grieved what I thought I had lost: the energy, the curves, the confidence I thought came from youth.
But menopause showed me a deeper truth. It stripped me bare — spiritually, physically, emotionally. It forced me to meet myself again, without the masks. And what I found was a stronger, wiser, more compassionate woman.
I became more — more self-aware, more courageous, more unapologetic about my needs and my dreams. I became someone who could finally say "yes" to myself without guilt.
Through menopause, I discovered my true voice. The voice that now advocates for other women, that dares to start new ventures at midlife, that embraces my faith, my culture, my full identity without shame.
I am no longer chasing "best" as a moment in time. I am living it, daily, as an evolving state of being.
So, what about you?
Do you feel your best years are behind you or ahead of you? Are you grieving or celebrating? Or maybe both — and that’s okay too.
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