Mama, why are we not talking about menopause?

Why is this such a taboo subject in our African community?

Having a conversation with my mother's generation (that'll be the over 75s) has been eye-opening when it comes to an understanding of their experiences of menopause. They are not ignorant of what happens to their bodies; they just don't know the science behind it all. They know that their periods stop, and they stop having babies. They experience the symptoms stoically and try to manage them as best they can to minimise the impact on their health. They may never have heard the word menopause or estrogen.

They call menopause many things - "the end" being one of the things they call this time of their lives. Speaking with our African "Baby Boomer" mothers, one sees that their attitude to menopause was influenced by the secrecy and myths surrounding it, making it a taboo subject. It was your secret to keep and deal with—the lack of discussion perpetuating the lack of information around it.

But why the secrecy?

It brought shame. If one revealed their menopausal state, the husband might leave them for a younger, active wife more able to meet his needs. They, therefore, felt they were of no use and could easily be discarded – so one would hide their discomfort for as long as possible.

The secrecy generated certain beliefs and misinformation; for example, the belief that the end of your period signified "the end"– that is, the end of life and intimacy with your husband. In addition, there is a belief that intimacy is no longer pleasurable because once one stops bleeding(menstruating), their vaginas are not warm anymore. Research on women in Southern Africa[i] highlighted women's concerns regarding this phase of their lives. They believe that the menstrual blood washes the vagina, keeping it clean and warm; therefore, when the blood stops flowing, women are left vulnerable and open to cancers and other illnesses. They also had questions around what happened to the sperm once there was no regular washing out – this concern led to the belief that these sperms then collect around the belly (menopausal belly); hence most women have a belly around their waist.

"Where does the blood go that used to flow every month?" they ask. It has to flush out; they say, otherwise, you have problems like fibroids and cancers due to the build-up of menstrual blood. Early menopause is attributed to witchcraft – it is not normal.

When I started experiencing my symptoms, I never talked to the GP about it – I honestly don't know why; I bore them and believed that they would go away. However, it turns out that the research mentioned above reported that very few women discussed their experiences with health professionals.

I have discovered that our mothers knew they were going through something, they were aware that most women go through it, BUT most don't know WHY it happened. That is true for some of our generation; we try to cope, pray for it to go away, and ask for the grace for the journey. And still not know what causes it. Some women reported that they had not known about menopause and were "shocked" when they began experiencing bodily changes. They attributed it to "ageing", "God", or just "something that happens".

So here we are…we find ourselves with much work to do to educate and inform our people. Basic questions that need to be tackled:

· What causes menopause?

· What happens when you are in menopause?

· Is there anything I can do to stop going through menopause?

· What happens to the blood from your period when you go through menopause?

So, what is your experience with menopause? What myths and beliefs have you come across? Let's start talking – let's commit to breaking the culture of silence and free ourselves from these misleading beliefs. How can we burst these beliefs and myths to empower our community? Knowledge is power.

Menopause is not the end.

It is up to us to change this narrative so that this phase of life is where we celebrate and honour ourselves, mothers and grandmothers, for the knowledge and wisdom we carry. Let's give our mothers and grandmothers platforms to share their wisdom; they have much to impart. We need their fragrance, and we are because of the sacrifices they made – they and us – we are the Ketura[ii] women.

Send me an email to join the Ketura mailing list and let me know if you'd like to join our WhatsApp Tribe of MenoQueens for support, information and guidance.

#menopause

#menopausesupport

#bamewomen

#blackwomenandmenopause

#blackmenopause

#keturawoman

Endnotes

[i] Improving Experiences of the Menopause for Women in Zimbabwe and South Africa: Co-Producing an Information Resource. Social Sciences 11: 143. https://doi.org/10.3390/ socsci11040143 [ii] Keturah was Old Testament Abraham’s second wife after Sarah died. The name Keturah is of Hebrew origin meaning fragrance/incence. It also means sacrifice.