When I got to my 40s, I believed I had life pretty much figured out. Surely there couldn't be too many surprises ahead as I figured there were more years behind than ahead of me. I'd seen it all, so I naively thought. I will forgive you for laughing out loud at this point. And yes, I permit every woman to laugh along at and with me. I was busy sailing through and loving my life when I got hit by a fast train I never saw coming. Growing up in Africa, my elders would always say "kurauone," loosely translated as "wait until you grow up, then you will see what life has in store." I've always been proud to be a woman and proudly African. But I am not blind to the fact that a woman's life has never been easy. For example, if I thought that puberty was bad....my middle-aged self would be saying "kurauone" to my teenage self. May is mental health month, and I thought I would address how it has affected me as I have and continue to walk my menopause journey. I remember going into perimenopause and feeling bewildered, confused and overwhelmed. I have felt lonely and lost as if I was floating and unable to get back on firm ground. All these and other symptoms like serious memory loss had me believing that I was losing my mind. Coupled with severe physical symptoms, I was ready to plan my funeral. Remember I said I'm African? Well… we don't really talk about these two topics, Mental Health and Menopause. I grew up surrounded by so many taboos, constantly told what to do, what not to do, what to talk about, how to behave, etc. (Remember that I am also an X Gen). Listen, we were groomed to be strong black women but those who follow the rules in a patriarchal society. And not just that, but to be proudly so, in pain, poverty, joy, and sorrow. I'd never heard anyone in my family talk about menopause and its effect. When it eventually clicked that I was transitioning into menopause…the lights came on!
I sought help from those close to me that I thought must be going through or had gone through it – sadly for me, my mum had long since passed. But those approached didn't know much or had gone through it unknowingly and quietly. I had to do my own digging and bust a lot of the myths believed in my community. I read. Attended workshops and had appointments with menopause specialists. I wasn't going crazy, thank God! I was transitioning into menopause. There was a reason for the anxiety attacks and palpitations that would overwhelm me. Even checking my phone would bring on a bout of anxiety. My mind struggled to deal with multitasking, which I excelled at before. I panicked at having to drive long distances. It was difficult, and I slowly withdrew from social life, preferring to be alone in this new world I did not understand.
Mental Health in my Africa had many names, witchcraft, curse etc. I remember a young man in my town walking the streets constantly mumbling to himself and occasionally screaming at passes by. If you didn't see him coming to give him a wide berth, you would enjoy one of his backhands or slap. He dressed in rags, his skin so black with layers of dirt and hair so thick and tangled it hadn't seen an afro comb in decades. Barefooted, he roamed the city streets, laying down on cardboards on pavements at night. The word on the street was that he had been cursed. Others said he had been bewitched because he was too intelligent. And yet others said that his parents had sold his mind for wealth and riches. I mean, this was the extent of my knowledge of mental health. Depression and anxiety? not recognised - strong black women pull themselves up and get on with the business of life. Menopause is also known as the change because it brings many changes in women's health caused by the imbalance in hormones as oestrogen levels begin to reduce. Menopause happens when our ovaries stop producing eggs. Despite it being a natural part of ageing, it can be challenging for most women. The Mental Health Foundation states that while menopause is not a mental health condition, it can affect your mental health. This is because the body struggles to adjust to the dip in oestrogen, and we start our perimenopausal journey with physical and mental symptoms. The physical symptoms are more well known, especially hot and night flushes, but there are hidden symptoms that affect our mental health. The NHS reports that common mental health symptoms of perimenopause and menopause are low mood, anxiety, low self-esteem, and problems with memory and concentration.
What influences mood swings and depressive episodes?
Serotonin is the happy hormone that regulates our moods. When the oestrogen levels start dropping, they affect the serotonin levels causing our moods to be all over the place. All this, combined with the responsibilities and stresses of midlife, adds pressure on our mental health.
The symptoms I experienced on my journey include feelings of loneliness, decreased energy, tiredness, feeling worthless, forgetfulness, irritability, difficulty concentrating, feeling anxious and depressed, aches and pains – all these are also known symptoms of depression and anxiety. The lack of sleep, of course, doesn't help. I started to doubt my capabilities. These psychological symptoms are just as debilitating as the physical ones. We must learn about menopause and prepare for when it happens. Listen, most women who attempt to tale their lives are around age 51 – this is also around the time women become menopausal. The common psychological symptoms of menopause are depression, anxiety, mood swings, irritability and forgetfulness.
Please look beyond the taboos and seek help if your mental health is impacted. Don't isolate yourself. Protect your mental health; there is no shame in getting help. Let's break the culture of silence on both mental health and menopause. Let's normalise talking about these subjects; not talking has not produced much success to date.
How I learnt to manage
· Acknowledging any symptoms and the feelings I was experiencing.
· Prioritising and learning to love myself
· Connecting and talking to others going through the menopause
· Learning as much as I could about menopause and its symptoms and how these affected me.
· Making necessary changes in my life to reduce stress and overwhelm.
· I started journaling to identify triggers to symptoms.
· Being kind and patient with myself.
· Resting more
· Making exercise a part of my lifestyle
Life does not stop with menopause.
What a great topic to have in the public forum! Thanks Vonayi for stepping out & sharing your experience.
Thanks for opening up. Following eagerly.
About time someone opened up on their lived experience of menopause. Thank you Vonayi